did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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