i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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