I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
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I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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