i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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