Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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