my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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