Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize