It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
