we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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