I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize