First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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