and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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