a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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