either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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