A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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