I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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