I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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