Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter