hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".