its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off