What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
my god I love twenty year old dicks