So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
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you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.