Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
