you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Randomize
