if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize