You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
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Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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