Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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