I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
