It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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