i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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