Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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