You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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