Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
