Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
