I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP