Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.