just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.