Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day