The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him