Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.