Texts From Last Night

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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?

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  (901): After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background? http://tfl.nu/ijcb
  Replies (63) Good night (2562) Bad night (3327)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.

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  (313): I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son. http://tfl.nu/7jxb
  Replies (13) Good night (582) Bad night (2376) Order T-Shirt
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  which gay bar do you need a ride home from?

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  (405): Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you. (1-405): which gay bar do you need a ride home from? http://tfl.nu/2t13
  Replies (14) Good night (1403) Bad night (4758) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.

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  (616): every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2. http://tfl.nu/pgp8
  Replies (10) Good night (3762) Bad night (548) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.

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  (917): I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant. http://tfl.nu/wa98
  Replies (26) Good night (6613) Bad night (658) Order T-Shirt
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  (209): View more from California

  I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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  (209): I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car. http://tfl.nu/v5pu
  Replies (31) Good night (1172) Bad night (7582) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle

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  (860): i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle http://tfl.nu/gxwa
  Replies (24) Good night (1282) Bad night (5410) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just hotboxed my laundry basket.

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  (717): I just hotboxed my laundry basket. http://tfl.nu/rt8k
  Replies (11) Good night (3184) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you

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  (573): Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you http://tfl.nu/8e5m
  Replies (11) Good night (6163) Bad night (1369) Order T-Shirt
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  (941): View more from Florida

  sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate

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  (941): sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate http://tfl.nu/n9pe
  Replies (8) Good night (3755) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
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  (409): View more from Texas

  We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.

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  (409): We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team. http://tfl.nu/iz22
  Replies (8) Good night (1770) Bad night (564) Order T-Shirt
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.

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  (306): He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call. http://tfl.nu/bo9m
  Replies (2) Good night (1741) Bad night (599) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?

  (+48): View more from Poland

  Poland

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  (+44): You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you? (+48): Poland http://tfl.nu/96rz
  Replies (10) Good night (4050) Bad night (511)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.

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  (504): My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway. http://tfl.nu/crxf
  Replies (15) Good night (556) Bad night (3008) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.

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  (+44): My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste. http://tfl.nu/tlxh
  Replies (10) Good night (504) Bad night (752) Order T-Shirt

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