R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.