bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
