So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
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so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
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Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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