Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.