I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks