come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.