He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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