My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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