Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
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He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
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I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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