The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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