Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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