Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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