Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
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Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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