We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
