I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
