Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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