i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
