Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
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i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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