Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
