Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
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You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
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I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
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