There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
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I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
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First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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