I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
