Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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